碧云天，黄叶地，秋色连波

Life is one big cruel joke...

I am so on the verge of falling apart...

I have to admit that I am so very out of fashion...don't know how to use Taobao[actually I have no clue what that is, except for it's China's version of eBay], no idea how to make a national distance call= =|||barely know how evertying else works...

It's much quicker&easier that I hang myself or throw myself out of the window than learning while being embarassed...

I am not a party member, nor wanna be one...sadly, I have to attend this party-members-only meeting for no particular reason...That's one of the reasons why I hesitated about coming back...and it turns out that all my concerns are coming true, what's even worse, I find this life so very void of meaning= =|||

4.05...the meeting finished with vacuous reports and comments...

Marvellous~~find a way to break internet censorship, finally...

Now I can have access to Tennis slash&youtube, and many other websites that are blocked for some very stupid reason...

I simply love internet freedom fighters...they genious, and generous...stand up to "them", know how and above all, love to share with the rest of us who don't master the skills~~

Watching Christian and Oliver updates now...miss the two boys very much...besides, it's been half a year since i last logged onto Tennis Slash~~

Definitely the best thing that happened to me for this past few months...only one thing, google is misteriously disabled, which sucks, cuz google is my most frequently used search engine, much more frequently than Baidu, for that matter.

And I am very happy...there is no more obstacle between me and the real world^^Hooray...Things are clearly getting better^^

BTW, love my lucky Thursday~~all my little wishes are carried out, unexpectedly...

I was listening to Treat me right all night long, which brought back the bitter-sweet memory about Sydney...

It just came to my notice that youtube now officially joins the club= =|||being blocked...which means I couldn't watch Christian&Oliver weekly updates, as well as other interesting stuff on youtube anymore...

I wonder what charges they hold against youtube this time...wiki, livejournal, then comes youtube...who's next??? Google.com...they better watch out...for Policy makers are way too unpredictable...

Plus, it's been long rumored that a new rule will soon come into being, that free movie/tv downloading won't be allowed to circulate, until the contents are fully examined~~So much for freedom bullshit...typical~~one step forward, two steps back...

Forgive me, for I have no confidence in General Bereau of Radio, Film and Television, on what grounds they do so I can only imagine...one thing I'm certain of is that they don't do it on the score of piracy-fighting as they claimed or implied...there must be sth nasty behind this...fear of truth being told, perhaps, they reckon things have gotten out of control these days, esp. on the internet...then, who knows, one thing leads to another, I suppose one better not take any chances...not risk what one can't afford to lose...therefore I have nobody to blame but myself for this...I am the one who insisted on coming home...rather than stay in Australia...I am the one who knew perfectly what's on the other side...but ignored...and regretted...

Anyway, I have mininova&emule, that's more than enough...

I am back...physically and emotionally...

The thing is I am still in need of a well-paid job as desperately as I was this time last year...got a few expensive hobbies, so alarming did the situation become that I soon realized that I must either quit my utterly entertaining, yet highly money-consuming hobbies, or I must get this one at National Aviation Group...wish it was as good as I was told it was...twice as good maybe even better...for I have to gain the upper hand in this downbeat economy...this layoffs, this panic, this depression&desperation caused by global economic slowdown...I need this, simply to secure me&my family's future, esp. after what they gave up to make my life much easier, what they suffered, and probably will suffer in the foreseeable future, esp. during&after the tragically, yet unavoidably death of my Granddad, you know, I am alway a pretty practical, and down-to-earth person...won't dream the unachievable dreams[well, maybe I will, but those are just dreams...how can you blame me...]

So, Plz, God, you know what I need~~Plz give me that job...if it is really that perfect...

I am wasted here...

I am a member of Agatha Christie's fan club...

here is everything about her works...e-books, audio books, movies&tv shows...

Agatha Christie——Queen of Crime^^

and audio books series

Grandpa's gone. Why i'm always the one who's gone through things like this...not weddings, but funerals...11 years ago, my 爷爷 passed away, I was in Lanzhou, I could still remeber, me alone, sitting beside 爷爷's body, I don't have much memory about him, for I was very young and living at boarding school at that time... then, today my poor 姥爷, he was so very kind, had a tough childhood, suffered in culture revolution because his cousin married a nationalist before liberation...

Last time I saw him, he was just so thin...heartbreaking to see him like that...he fought, fought so hard for his life...he deserved one more chance, just this time...I am not talking about recovery, I fully understand what cancer means...all I want is a chance, another 2-3 month, so we, as his family could take our responsibility to look after him, do what we should've done but didn't...why this regret...why bad things always happen to good people????? One day I am going to die...so why bother???? I used to think being a human is a blessing...now I'd rather I was never born, so that I don't need to go through ups and downs...heartbreaking moments...loss of beloved ones...and any other bad things that make you wanna end your life before it gets too intolerable...

I truly wish there was afterlife...a heaven for good people, so 姥爷 could go where he belongs to and live happily everafter, no more sufferings, no more pains, only happiness...

And, life is a b*tch...that's just so true...